Is it wrong if I want to die?

Someone asked me this question, a few days ago and I waited awhile to respond to this. So today I finally wrote down a response to it, and here it is. I am writing their full question and my response>>>

Is it wrong that I want to die? I’m only 23 and I really don’t see a reason to keep living. I have no goals, drive, motivation, or dreams. I kind of just exist.

And this is the additional information about this person-

I need to state several things. Sorry if these are harsh, I just don’t people to be repeating answers. Also, these answers are kinda annoying and predictable.

  1. STOP SAYING I SHOULD TRAVEL! I am poor, unemployed/employable, leech with no money. Let’s just get this shit straight.
  2. I, sincerely, DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD! So any of that ‘god loves you’ shit will be ignored.

So this is my response

I am going to put myself in your shoes the way I was at 23 (very much in your shoes). And then today, when I am exactly double that age (46+) I am going to talk to my 23 year old, broken, heartbroken self- which had no goals, no hopes, no dreams, dry eyes, no reason to wake up on the morrow, no friends…and it seemed an eternity stared ahead- a cold, gloomy, icy solitude. (that was really me then, I am not talking about you)

But I will talk to my younger self who is 23, with my 46 year old wisdom and let you watch and listen…

But I will talk to my younger self who is 23, with my 46 year old wisdom and let you watch and listen…

Dear PS (my name, not your’s)

Today, when you are so heartbroken, and the winter is coming yet again, I know you fear the icy solitude you have faced alone for years, even though others are there in the home or somewhere close-by.

But let me propose that how about you take this as a phase of sleeping…just think you are the polar bear, who goes to sleep in the winter- for months. So of course I cannot imagine you will go to sleep for months, but let us say you put your mind in the slow motion. Just get off all the social networks, get off every single connection you cannot handle for now and just recoil within you. But do not think that your hollowness in empty. Your hollowness is deep, infinite and full of plenty- if only you can tune into it, with calmness, surrender and peace.

May be the pace of the world, the competitiveness of others, or how successful your peers, siblings, friends seem overwhelm you. But do not compare with them and it will stop. Just look at them from a distance and tell yourself, ‘this is them and this is me. This is their pace, and this is mine. I am slow, because I want to think about the meanings in things. I want to give myself a meaning and meaning makes sense to me. I cannot live in the pursuits that others chase after day after day. I want something deeper, that soaks my soul with a warm, gentle radiance. And until I find that reason, I am going to take it easy and slow down my engine.

There is no need for a God for me, because if there had been this world would not have been such a mess. If others need a God to cry in front of, or implore for things that is their need and insecurity- I only want a connection with myself’.

And believe me when I say this with my 46 yearly experience, without patronizing you due to age or thinking you do not know better, someday you will look at this phase with calmness and smiles and thank it, because this is the time that is plucking you away from the herd and making you dive within- an experience not many will have in this life, for they are so busy in the business of life, they never know what it is to look within and engage with one’s own self. So just be with yourself and tend to yourself and nurture yourself (I do not mean in front of the mirror, or worry about your pimples and hair and all that bullshit that commercials keep throwing at us). You are trying to see your face in the hundreds of noises that you see within you- you have to be with yourself to lend an ear to the ‘real’ you and that real you will only emerge in the eerie loneliness of your soul.

And believe me yet again, when I tell you as a 46 year old, now old enough to be your mother, that in this journey that you make towards your own core, you will need many guides, mentors and teachers. So do not hesitate when you find a wise person to bow in front of them as I did again and again and again , and seek their wisdom, seek their knowledge, seek their insights about life. Don’t worry if you want to die, because that is really the need and is happening already. In seeking to die, you want to see the emergence of a WHOLE NEW YOU. But that WHOLE and new cannot emerge, till the old dies. So think of the snake that has to shed its skin or think of the eagle that has to pull out it’s claws, painfully one after another, before it can regain another youth, another life and live to its true glory and splendor.

You MUST DIE P, because until the death of this that feels weak and overwhelmed, out-powered and outsmarted by everyone around…the new, calm, centered, powerful, joyful, playful, vibrant, ageless you (which is me now) can never emerge. Do not worry, but let go and plunge into this abyss or this rejuvenation- it means the same.

And with this I leave you Jennifer, to think about whatever you want from here. This is me, this is you…just 23 years apart- soul to soul.

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